Rekindling Connection: Combatting Screen Time in Relationships

What do you do when you've discovered that your relationship with your partner is deteriorating because you spend too much time online or watching television?

My husband and I have developed some bad habits regarding spending quality time together.

He sits in his favorite chair watching Youtube videos, and I spend a lot of time watching television series in the other room that's about 4 feet away.

We are technically in the same vicinity, but we are immersed in different screens.

We decided this habit of sharing space but not sharing time together has to stop.

We have some good friends that eat together every night at their table and often play games with each other at night.

They have a wide variety of card games, as well as dominoes.

About once a month, we all get together depending on our schedules and play a game together and always enjoy it.

But why don't we do it when it is just the two of us?

This afternoon, I went to Michael's and bought two paint-by-number sets--mountains for him and a desert scene for me.

Shayne went into the storage room and got a long card table and we set it up next to our dining room table so we can paint together.

He's not artistically trained at all. But anyone can do a paint-by-number and I think we will enjoy listening to some chill music and seeing what happens.

We have set up a portion of our living room as an area where we can do some fun activities together, as well as eat dinner at the table, too.

He found a pack of cards, and we played a few hours of Gin Rummy tonight at the dining room table.

We laughed and talked about our childhood, and really connected.

We've been together for 30 years, and it's surprising how time apart can creep into a relationship even though you live together.

We got up this morning and had a nice, long walk together. We found a bench in the woods where we like to walk, and laid down on our backs and watched the sky and trees. We had a lovely 30 minutes on that bench just hanging out.

Next week, we are going to do what we can to start fishing in the river next to our home, too.

Relationships take work. Even the ones where you think the work has already been done.

It's never really done, is it?

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Random fact about me: I'm a devoted neighborhood bird watcher.

Finding Peace: Crafting Away Anxiety

There was a time when anxiety felt like hell on earth. My mind spun stories so fast I could barely breathe and my body reacted to my imaginings.

The only thing that quieted the noise in my head was using my hands by shaping metal, stringing beads, and making something real.

Even if it was a horrible design or ugly, it was beautiful to me because I wasn't in a fear state for a blessed amount of time.

The result of my action was tangible and allowed me to see my progress in staying present.

Slowly, the fear loosened its grip and curiosity slipped in to take its place.

And that small shift, turning fear into curiosity, and doing something instead of thinking about the future, or ruminating about the past, changed my life.

The present moment paired with an action is my medicine of choice when it comes to anxiety and fear-based thinking.

Works every time.

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Random fact about me: I went to an all girls high school.

The Unbroken Circle

As a jewelry designer, I guess it's time to start blogging a little about my work. I made these circle posts before I left on my trip to add to my collection at Black Dog Salvage in Roanoke, VA.

I've taken the last three weeks off of work to travel, and reflect upon my life.

As much as I want some things to stay the same forever, time keeps on marching on, doesn't it? That was evident on my trip to Colorado.

I made these earrings before I left for my trip. They are rough little circle posts with a lot of texture. They look a little worn with some patina, just like life.

The circle is a universal symbol of change.

It reminds us that what feels difficult now will become easier with time. It's also a symbol that reflects back to us that when things are going great, they will change to not so great.

That's just how life works.

What's so neat about a circle is that every point on the circle always leads back to being in balance, no matter where you are on the circle.

The promise of the future carries us forward even if the present feels like it will never get better.

But it will.

Our lives are filled with circles.

We live in different phases of life daily, watching as the sun fades in the evening turning into dark, then the future brings us the dawn of a new day.

Relationships change. They are strong, then become weak, then strong again.

And on and on it goes, right?

We breathe in...we breathe out. Always in balance until the breath eventually stops, and we become part of another phase in a much bigger circle.

I've learned to grab onto life and hold on and let go as needed.

Whatever the present moment asks of me, I try to listen, even if the phase I'm presently in sucks big time.

The promise of the circle is that it will change, and I'm here for it.

Random fact about me: I cook all of my food from scratch, one ingredient at time. I feel so much better eating this way.

Why Surrendering Can Lead to Growth

I almost broke my streak of writing daily today, but I have an hour left before the bell tolls.

I had a rough 24 hours getting back home to Virginia.

Planes were delayed, and I got back home early this morning, and had to hit the ground running as soon as I got some sleep.

But now, things are calmer and I'm sufficiently rested to reflect on what I want to express.

The last day or so has really brought home the realization that we are mere passengers in life, and not in the driver's seat as much as we think we are.

This realization comes to all of us at some point in our life, and for many, it's a hard pill to swallow.

This was reflected to me when I was sitting on the tarmac and my next connection was already boarding.

I knew I wasn't going to make it, so when I exited the first plane, and walked to the gate where I was supposed to board my next plane, I just surrendered to being a passenger in this particular experience.

I ended up with a very nice gate attendant who told me that the only shot I had at getting home was flying standby on the last plane out.

Otherwise, I couldn't leave until the next EVENING on a plane.

I wasn't upset. I decided to see what happened and not get all emotional about it.

It all worked out. I got home very late or early depending on your perspective, but I didn't have to wait until tonight.

When I got to my home airport and was waiting for an Uber, another couple came by and the man was furious.

I mean, every cuss word you can think of came out of his mouth, and I was thinking he was going to have a heart attack.

I was just sitting on my suitcase, waiting to be another passenger in my Uber, and when his story finally came out, he ended up only being an hour later than his original flight.

But you would have thought the world ended as upset as he was.

I knew he was a man used to being the driver's seat, and resistance to being a passenger in all areas of his life meant his view of the world was filled with lots and lots of road rage.

When you're driving all the time, you don't have the opportunity to look out the window of life and see what's really out there, and enjoy the scenery.

Instead, your foot is on the pedal going faster, passing people to just end up at your destination about the same time as those that you passed.

But you missed the trip, you know what I mean?

I'm not saying it's wrong to drive so hard and fast--people achieve a lot living this way.

But is the cost worth it?

I had an experience years ago that taught me that planning and thinking so much about your future can blind you to an amazing opportunity that you never planned or conceived of.

But when you are driving so hard, eyes focused on a particular destination, you'll miss a side road that can lead you to something far more spectacular than anything you have ever imagined while you're racing down the highway.

In my case, last night, I was on a standby flight that allowed me to see someone I haven't seen in the last year. We caught up at baggage claim, and I shared with her some tough stuff I've been going through in my life, and she said, "Well, I know what to pray for now, whereas before, I didn't."

That's what I mean.

As a passenger last night, I gained a deeper appreciation of how God works behind the scenes as a driver. He arranges things in His perfect timing, not mine.

I gained an extra prayer from a lovely woman and her husband, and for that I'm grateful.

It's good to be home in one piece, and to feel some peace, too.

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Random fact about me: I love 95% dark chocolate.

Unlock Meaning Through Daily Writing

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Writing daily allows me a framework to categorize what is the most meaningful moment I've experienced in the last 24 hours.

Some days, I have to dig deep to find the moment, or series of moments. Because of that, I am finding that I'm making different decisions daily than I used to so that I have an opportunity to find more meaning in my life.

For me, writing daily and clicking Publish gives me a routine to be accountable to myself to notice my life, share what I learn and hopefully after a year, I'll have enough daily material to creatively find a way to publish a book.

I don't have children to pass down what I've learned so that it can live through them. Writing is my way of being motherly to myself, as well as to those that care to read my words, and travel with me through my experiences.

My grandmother passed down a wise saying to me that probably saved my life.

She told me, "Jealousy is insanity on an installment plan," when she was talking about her abusive marriage to my grandfather.

I was once in an abusive relationship, and one afternoon when he went too far, I heard my grandmother's words echo in my head, and I left him in that moment.

Her experience saved me years of heartache and fear. Her words gave me the courage to skip my own version of someone else's fuck around and find out mentality when it came to my life.

Shared stories are often life-changing, and I don't have anyone to pass down to about what I've learned about surviving and thriving.

I used to write on my blog years ago, but for some reason, I stopped.

I think a lot of it had to do with privacy fears, but the yearning to express myself in all the ways God gifted me with became too strong to ignore.

So what do I enjoy most about writing?

Taking my whispers of insights and thoughts and giving them a stable form that lives beyond what happens in my mind.

Capturing my day to day experiences so that I can learn from myself later, and craft something else from those initial impressions into more...maybe a painting, an article or even a piece of jewelry. Who knows?

Writing gives me a chance to see my thoughts and how I think, what needs to be improved and what needs to be tossed away.

It's a way to turn what can't be seen into something that can be shared, discussed, expressed and remembered by others.

Whenever I encounter someone that is not a reader, or has a problem with long-form writing, I share with them the power of the written word.

We can read minds...that's what reading and writing is.

It's a way to connect to others without being in physical proximity, and it surpasses time.

Someone's past moment transcends time and becomes a part of your present moment.

It's a miracle and one that I intend to continue exploring for myself, and maybe for you, too.

Random fact about me: I sleep with an eye mask and it's made a huge difference in clocking my 8 hours.